06 March 2008

(pt 7)

[continued:]

[David and Squibs are sitting in a small university office, talking. Rob comes in during their elegant, refined conversation.]

SQUIBS: What about Olivia Munn?
DAVID: Olivia Munn is a stone cold fox. Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't push her out of bed. I might even pay top dollar just listen to her say the word "bed." I'm just saying there's something a little weird about her.
SQUIBS: That she's painfully attractive?
DAVID: It's her eyes, man. There's something not right.
ROB: What are you guys talking about?
SQUIBS: You know Olivia Munn? She hosts that show on G4?
ROB: Isn't that the video game channel?
SQUIBS: Yeah.
ROB: No, I've never seen her.
SQUIBS: You've never watched it?
ROB: You must have confused me for a fourteen year old.
DAVID: Anyway, there's this girl on there --
SQUIBS: Woman.
DAVID: -- there's this chick on there who is, I have to admit, straight up foxy, but she has something weird going on.
ROB: Like a mole or goiter or something?
DAVID: Like she's dead behind the eyes.
ROB: Like she's dumb?
DAVID: Oh, is that what that means?
ROB: Well, what's behind the eyes that can be dead?
DAVID: Huh. Anyway, it's not that she's dumb or anything just -- she's got like a fixed stare or something. Like her eyes never change.
ROB: Like a robot?
DAVID: Yes! That's it! She's got robot eyes!
SQUIBS: No. What? Robot eyes?
DAVID: Don't deny it, Squibs. She's got the robot eyes. Never change, never move.
ROB: Maybe it's botox.
SQUIBS: I don't want to believe that.
DAVID: Yeah, I don't know. Botox? To host a show that features internet video of kids getting hit in the balls? It seems like too much work. No, I think she's got natural robot eyes.
ROB: You mean like Scarlett Johansson?
DAVID: [excited at the new revelation] Oh my God she totally does have robot eyes!
ROB: You've never noticed that?
DAVID: I see it now.
ROB: It's all a little too perfect with her: smart, the voice, the body. And then you look into those vacant eyes and realize that she's probably a robot.
DAVID: I can't believe I didn't pick up on that before!
SQUIBS: You guys are crazy. They are a couple of beautiful women, nothing wrong with them at all.
DAVID: Except they need RAM upgrades so they can make some expressions with their eyes.
SQUIBS: Like you're looking at their eyes anyway -- Jessica!

[Squibs stands up as JESSICA, a fellow doctoral candidate and instructor at the university, stands in the doorway, clipboard in hand. David looks up at her and then back at Squibs, mouthing the word "nice" to him. Squibs tries not to pay attention.]

JESSICA: Jake.
SQUIBS: Everything good to go?
JESSICA: They're ready whenever you are. There are about fifteen girls out there. They all have the parts and are reading them over. Are you guys ready?
SQUIBS: Not quite yet.
ROB: We're waiting on the kids to come in with the camera.
JESSICA: Where are they?
SQUIBS: They're on their way.
JESSICA: Okay. Well, just give me a nod when you're ready. [she turns to walk and sees the camera crew come down the hallway] Speak of the devils. Ryan. Sam.

[RYAN and SAM rush in with a small camera and some sound equipment. Ryan, in sneakers, a wind-breaker and beat up college ball cap, is foiled in fashion by Sam, dressed in black loafers, khakis and a long-sleeve checked shirt. They begin setting up immediately.]

RYAN AND SAM: Hey, Professor Louis.
SQUIBS: What happened to you guys?
RYAN: We got stuck in traffic and then they had problems pulling the sound equipment for us.
SAM: Pulled a uni for us first then said they didn't have a shotgun for us. You remember that episode of Seinfeld where he's talking about the rental place not saving a car for him? It was like that. We reserved the mike but they said they gave them all away.
RYAN: It was pretty bad.
SAM: I was about to lose it with them.
SQUIBS: Who was running the equipment desk today?
SAM: Pat.
SQUIBS: He seems to have it together. Doesn't he?
RYAN: Yeah, but his heart just isn't in it, you know, doling out equipment all day I don't think.
SAM: Doesn't mean he can't do his job. I mean gah.
SQUIBS: Did you get the mike?
RYAN: Yeah, he found one finally.
SQUIBS: Okay, good. Oh. Rob, David -- this is Ryan and Sam. They'll be on the crew, probably for most of the shoot. There'll be a few others that come in and out but these two will be around for most of the days.
ROB: Great.
DAVID: Welcome aboard.
JESSICA: So, wait a couple minutes and send the first girl in?
SQUIBS: Please. And thank you again, Jessica, for helping out.
JESSICA: Oh, of course. Did the free-writing techniques I suggested help out?
SQUIBS: They did. Thank you.
DAVID: They were interesting.

[As Jessica looks at her clipboard, Squibs shoots David a dirty look. He shrugs back at him.]

JESSICA: Good, good. Okay, so the first girl that'll be sent in is -- Donna. Okay?
SQUIBS: Okay. [picks his clipboard off the desk and reads it] Donna Widmore?
JESSICA: That's the one.
SQUIBS: All right. Thanks again, Jessica.
JESSICA: It's no problem, Jake. [smiles and walks away]
SQUIBS: All right. You guys set up?
RYAN: [attaches mike to the camera] I think we're close.
SAM: Tape's in, power on, can you hear through the mike?
RYAN: [slips on headphones] Keep talking.
SAM: You know what annoys me most about that guy behind the counter? That he had the balls --
RYAN: Got it. You can stop talking now.
SQUIBS: Okay. I think we're ready.

[Squibs sits back down in his chair and Ryan and Sam sit on the edge of the desk. They all wait silently for the first audition. David waves Rob to lean in closer.]

DAVID: [quietly] Did I just say "welcome aboard" to these guys?
ROB: Like you were the captain of a fun ship.
DAVID: Where did that come from?

[DONNA comes through the door, script in hand. Everyone else in the room turns to her as she timidly at first steps into the office.]

DAVID: Donna?
DONNA: Yeah. Donna Widmore.
DAVID: My name is David. Nice to meet you. Why don't you take a seat over there for us?

[continued]

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