29 March 2008

an open letter to olivia munn.

Olivia --

While watching a recent episode of your program, a few questions came to mind that hopefully you can answer for me.

  1. Come clean, Munn. I know it's not widely acceptable for females in Hollywood to say in the open whether or not they've had work done to their appearance but it's time you dealt us the truth. Do you have robot eyes? Don't deny it.
  2. Are you afraid someone is going to paste your face over someone else's body and try to pass it off as you -- like the next time you look up "Two Girls One Cup" you'll see a video of you doing work on a mug?
  3. Does the behind-the-scenes activity on your set play out more like Sports Night, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip or West Wing?
  4. Are you as bored as I am during the "In Your Pants" segments? I'm not sure what I expect for those pieces but with the build-up, everyone saying girls are going in my pants throughout your broadcast and then the the intro with a young woman moaning I always feel deflated when it's just about a guy being disinterested in his partners. It seems like a lot of hype. Take a page from Sue Johanson's book or read Regina Lynn's columns and explore Nerd Sex a little more. Teledildonics is fast-growing field.
  5. G4 employs a great many good-looking women as hosts and your show awkwardly tries to squeeze in as many segments as possible featuring half-naked models. Do you feel the reason for this is to balance out the scary folk showing up on Cops and Cheaters (aka the other 85% of programming on your network)?
  6. Who would win in a decathlon of host duties: Kevin Pereira or Joel McHale (there will be a physical challenge involved -- much like Double Dare)?

Thank you for your time, your patience and your understanding. I hope you'll take some of my suggestions to heart. I'm telling you: teledildonics. It's like sex without all that bothersome 'leaving the house' nonsense.

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