Content Warning: It's a little racy from here on. Sort of. Viewer discretion is advised.
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SEX!
[A bedroom is dark except for a light coming through a window, a combined effort from a nearby streetlight and the moon desperately trying to compete with it. SHE lays on the bed, almost annoyed, wearing a bright pink prom dress and a golden tiara with pink flats to match. HE walks in almost completely nude except for a large red cap and a fake mustache.]
He: We're so going to do this.
She: Oh my God.
He: We're are totally doing this.
She: You look like a child molester.
He: Come on. You said you would play along.
She: [sighs; unenthusiastic] All right.
He: I can barely see your face. Are you wearing the tiara?
She: Yes. It's the second-best part of the outfit.
He: What's the best part?
She: You'll find out. So, you decided not to go with the overalls?
He: Well, I was going to do this thing where I unhooked them and let them drop for the big reveal.
She: Of what?
He: You know -- my penis.
She: Oh right.
He: But then realized that might have totally ruined everything.
She: I might have walked out.
He: Exactly. Then where would I be? Just a dude standing alone with a fake mustache and some overalls around his ankles.
She: And a funny hat.
[There's a small pause as they both mentally prepare for their role-play.]
He: So should I call you Toadstool or Peach?
She: Oh, definitely Peach.
He: Right on. Right on.
She: [seductively] Thank you for saving me. I'm sorry to have caused you so much -- trouble.
He: Should I respond in that fake Italian accent he has?
She: Oh God no. Maybe we'll aim for the earlier games.
He: Or like in Mario 64?
She: Sure. [clears throat] Let me do something -- special -- for you.
He: Okie dokie.
She: That's not going to work.
He: Okay, okay.
[He kneels on the bed and holds onto her lacy, poofy dress.]
He: This is nice.
She: Shut up.
He: I think you could pull this off out in public. Just tell people you're on your way to homecoming.
[They laugh as he starts to make his way into her dress.]
He: It's like moving through a cloud.
She: Right, right.
He: If the cloud was made out of doilies.
She: Are you lost?
He: No, no. I think I'm good. [beat] Ooh, mushrooms on the underpants?
She: Just trying to get into character.
She looks away as he pulls off her panties, tossing them aside then winces slightly and smiles, closing her eyes.]
He: This is a delicious cake you have here.
She: Well, I told you I'd make one just for you.
[He is within the dress for a few minutes before struggling back through the lace to resurface, hat askew but mustache in tact.
He: Are you ready?
She: Save me.
He: Here we go.
Was that too much?
2 comments:
Alternate Ending
He: That was great. Better than I even expected it to be.
She: How often do you imagine yourself having sex wearing a giant mustache.
He: More than I'd like to admit.
[There's a pause.]
She: There's something else I should probably tell you.
He: What's that?
She: I have to apologize --
He: For what?
She: Well, because -- [sitting up into the light, revealing the toothy grin of a septuagenarian male] your princess is in another castle!
He: WHA!!!?
Alternate ending FTW!
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